SCREAM!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Coming to the end of 2008.....

I find it hard to say that I had a great year. I mean many good things have happened but the fact that this was the year my Father passed away makes everything seem insignificant. But yet because of my Father's death, I have gained a new sense of responsibility as the man of the household, I have learned to cherish my Mum and Sis more, I gained an important lesson of how it is like to take setbacks in life and move on, I realised how fragile life is. Funny how that I need to lose my Father before I realise all these. I wish I had realised all these before but the fact I did not.

More than 9 months since he passed away. I am still haunted by the flashes of him covered in bloody mess in the ICU, when he was struggling to wake up, possibly wanting to see us one last time, when I had to identify his body in the morgue. You know, life has indeed move on, I went for holidays, I am back to my crappy self, I am now laughing like I used to but yet something seems to have been broken inside.

I used to work very hard because I thought finally I had a chance to make more money to bring my Father to trips. I took care of my own health, went to exercise (which I do not in the past) once I discovered I had diabetes because I do not want them to worry. But once my Father passed away, gradually I start to adopt a view like before that work is dispensible. I must admit I do not work at hard anymore. And I stopped going to gym. I think I just have not move on at all, have I?

I cannot be selfish, I need to. My Mother needs me. When I look at my Mum now, as she goes out to work everyday, comes back, sits there to watch TV, do the laundry, cook dinner for me and goes to sleep, I know she misses my Dad and I can only imagine the pain she feels inside. How could she come to terms to losing someone she had been married to for 31 years within a day when i myself could not. I know she is hurting and the only thing I can do is to be there, make sure she does not have to worry about finances and me.

2008 is a bad year but I cannot linger here. Time will move on no matter what. Time does not grieve. It is now up to me to catch up with time, My Father will always have a special place in my life but now I will have to try to live for the future.

Thanks Pa.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 10:41 AM

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Friday, December 26, 2008

So, this is the end of Christmas 2008. But the spirit of the season lives on. I had my fun, abit of drinks and made new friends. And of course more importantly, how could I forget the most important friend in my life, God Himself. Does not mean I do not talk about Him means He is not important. Let us not forget especially for those who believe in Christ, what He had to give up to give us the life that we are enjoying today.

Coming back to the music, Auditory Effect is progressing well. Despite just being together for a bit more than a year, I think we are really growing as a band. Kudos to Adam, Jon and Audrey. I learnt alot from them as band members and we are really starting to gel. Yes, we have our unhappiness, we voiced our displeasures over things but more importantly, we will continue to realise the importance of open and sincere communication.

This coming Sunday, we are going for some sort of audition for one of the mainstream media. Whether we get to feature or not on that medium, it is good enough for me to know that the music of this one year old band get noticed and we will continue to try for bigger goals like BAYBEATS 2009!

Dance while we rock, PEOPLE.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 12:04 AM

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

You know there is a surreal feeling of growing up when alot of people around are getting married. Even people who are younger and are getting married than you ask you when you are gonna take the plunge. I think its kinda exciting to be entering into the next phase of life with another person for like the next half of your life or whatever you have left.

But that would mean giving up a big chunk of your current phase of life. I mean everyone will say, NO NO NO Who says after marriage, you cannot live your own life. Yes you cannot. Says who? Says me and the millions and billions who have gotten married since the world began. You simply just cannot get married and tell your spouse, Hey i gonna live the way I gonna live before I married you. I gonna go out with you when I feel like it, I gonna throw my clothes around in the house as I like it, I gonna spend my money as I like it, I gonna spend my time doing things that I LIKE not WE LIKE, surely you cannot do things like you were before you got married. After all, its now 2 persons living together and there must be compromises in habits, styles and weird FETISHES HAHA.

For one, I am not yet willing to give up the current phase of my life. I am not even near to what I wanna achieve before I finally get married and settle down. So how to get married. I know its nice to have someone to be with you all your life and maybe the government incentives are working, but hey is life all about being with someone? How about being someone you really want to be? Some things just cannot be done after you get married. I cannot be SELFISH if I were to get married. BUT I AM SELFISH, AND I WANT TO BE SELFISH NOW.

Hurhur so for those who decides to get a husband or wife, good luck. Hope you all make the right choice at the right time in your life cos if it turns out well, marriage will afterall be one of the best things that will happen in your life. But for me, NOT YET.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 2:24 AM

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Thursday, December 04, 2008

31....how many more years do I have?

Tomorrow on 5th December 2008, I will be 31. I would have lived 31 years on earth tomorrow. How many more years do I have, I wonder sometimes. How many people's lives have I made a difference in? If I were to live another 31 years without making any sort of impact or influence in someone's life, would my life be wasted.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 3:08 PM

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