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"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death."- Mark Twain

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Is there more to life?


3 months of inactivity on my blog....surely, nobody reads my blog now. But I guess thats good for me right now. I have got a very good job now in Philips as an Account Manager but the nagging thought in my mind is always "Is there more?" Not in terms of money but in terms of purpose.

I seem to know what I want but does not seem to be doing what I need to. I see more and more people not knowing what they want and sometimes become miserable. They blame it on lack of money, lack of opportunities or lack of time. But isnt the root cause a lack of passion and direction? A lack of conviction that leads to a mediocre life?

Sometimes I feel shortchanged. I wanna do many things but I put the blame on the fact that I have parents to look after, I have a car to pay for, I am Asian and etc..... but coming back to it all, isnt again the root cause, a lack of courage and passion? Courage to move into things that are unknown.

I want to move on from Charis because I do not feel that it can give me anymore. Been there for coming to 9 years now and if I am not sad about making a decision to leave, I would be not be human. I made many friends there over the last decade or so but isnt it ironic that my 2 best friends whom I can confide in are not from Charis? To be truthful, I have not had someone in Charis whom I can call an accountability partner, a close friend and confidante. Friends yes, church mates yes. Close, no. It has even come to a point where I am put off by some of them. I am not judging them but there is a thin line between judging and believing what you see. They are different. Too different from me. I cannot accept the way they choose to live, I cannot accept the way they talk and I cannot accept they things they do socially. Maybe I just cannot accept them. Neither are many people able to accept me. I do not care. God accepts me and I will be the way I am and I will leave. Deep down in my heart, I tell myself maybe I will stay on afterall. But I know if I stay on, it is because I am comfortable where I am, familiar with the people and place. Not for God and not for myself. Therefore I will leave. I do not know where. I will take my time to find another church but surely God bless me and help me not to procastinate. 9 years on but sorry, Charis, you have nothing to offer me, you cannot build me and therefore I have no more confidence that you are the best place to develop me. In a way, I wanna say that you disappoint me and I am really hurt. Really hurt about some things that had been said and done. When I was young, I will retaliate. But I am 29 now and I will let go. Some things are better left untouched and unsaid.

People will say Hey keep in touch but they never will. And that is how Charis is. And I am looking forward to a new chapter in my church life.

I had to go.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 2:28 AM

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*Scream @ Me*
Name* Ng Seow Siong AKA Ah Siong
BD* 5th Dec 1977
Gender* Male
Orientation*Straight, very straight
Loves* God, Dad, Mum and Sister, Rocking out with the band, chilling out with friends
Will Never Love* Idiots

Just me--

I am difficult to understand and I hate to be understood. I am best left alone. Just be my friend but do not ever try to show me that you understand me better than myself. I am a loyal person and everyone is my friend until he or she chooses not to be. Actually that is quite easy to understand right. If you hit the right note with me, you will find me very easy going.

I love music. And I love writing music and jamming with my band. Music has accompanied me through the worst times of my life. I thank God for that gift.

I am different and I am not afraid to be different. I hate politically correct people. Its alright to be courteous but not right to be a hypocrite.

I am funny. I love to be funny. I am not afraid to make fun of myself to bring laughter to others. I love making others happy. But I am not a clown.

*Try and scare me*

Say Something That Gives Me An Orgasm!

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