SCREAM!

Thursday, July 31, 2008

31 this year and not having a girlfriend might seem disastrous to some but to me, its really a choice. Not saying I have alot of choices. I am fat, ugly, poor, not much leg hairs, not much armpit hairs and not to mention, my stretch marks (they seem to stretch in a not so nice patterns, i was hoping for a more symmetrical stretch marks.). Anyway dun think I am low on confidence lah, I am just joking lah because I know I have a very busty chest, sexy ass crack and a very inviting come-see-the-world-thru-me belly button.

Back to the topic of girlfriends or should I say at my age, marriage prospects haha! Alot of people asked me WHEN WHEN WHEN! I began to suspect that these people have some nieces/classmates/colleagues/neighbours/maids that they want to introduce to me. They seem so enthusiastic about getting a girlfriend for me. Especially after my father's death, they have been telling me to find a girlfriend soon so as to make my mother happy, the same thing when they tell my sister to have a child soon haha.

But when I said it was a choice, it really was a choice. My ambition if always to get an overseas posting before I am 35, work for a few years overseas, experience life away from Singapore (yeah i go for holidays but I am talking about years here, i cant go for holidays for YEARS!). Then come back to Singapore before 40, find a girlfriend and get married haha!

It is just hard to be posted overseas when you are attached or married. You cannot just consider your own ambitions if you are and thus my choice to stay single till now. My friends say that 40 is too late lah and in a way, I do agree and they analyse through their BALLS that maybe I have not FOUND the ONE that I will FALL MADLY IN LOVE with and ELOPE with her to LAS VEGAS and get married in a drive thru chapel. Eh no need lah, ROM in Singapore quite fast also and cheaper.

But it is true, I have never felt very strongly for a girl ever since what happened in Poly and that was like 12 years ago? I mean there are those this-girl-is-nice, i-kind-of-like-her feelings but never strong enough for me to make any concrete moves.

Let me make it clear, I LIKE GIRLS ONLY haha but just that maybe I have not found a reason to settle down. I do think I will settle down one day because no one can stay alone all their lives. Friends will get married, Family will pass away and they will have their own families. i will need to find my own family in life sooner or later too. So for those who have expressed concern and are worried for some reasons or another or maybe you will earn a referral fee for introducing a girl to me, thanks for taking an interest in my life, I actually appreciate it cos that means you care about me but for now, really I rather concentrate on my career and my freedom and my dreams.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 11:16 AM

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Monday, July 28, 2008

As some you all might know. My previous band, GAS, is pretty much dead although I would love to get back with these guys one day and do some music again. We have been together since 1999, Its a long time to make music together and we had more fun really. My new band is called Auditory Effect and we are a very young band, have been only jamming around 6 months? They are younger than me, in their 20s while I am into my 30s but they are really passionate about music and despite the age difference, I guess we have alot to learn from each other.

Wondering why I forgot to post out first gig up done in May. So far we only had 2 originals and unlike GAS where we started out with all originals, this band is slowly finding our way to writing new stuff. These are videos of our first gig in Home Club. The quality is not great definitely but Hope you enjoy them as much as us and the peeps who were down there at the gig. If you think we suck, tell us, its ok haha! But if you think we can do with some encouragement, tell us too!

FIRST SONG - MONSTER (By Automatic)

SECOND SONG - Take Me Out (By Franz Ferdinand)

THIRD SONG - QUIET LOVE - To My Dad (By Auditory Effect)

FOURTH SONG - MUNICH (By)

LAST SONG - ALL I ASK (By Auditory Effect)

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 11:33 PM

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

I cannot help but still get reminded of my father. It is coming to almost 5 months but I thought I am ready to be strong. But whenever I hear of someone passing away, even when I do not know those people, I would weep. I just cannot get the scene of seeing my father struggling in the ICU out of my mind.

It has been difficult for me at work too. Things have not gone as smoothly as I wanted. This was supposed to be a big year for me and doing well could mean an overseas posting which I always wanted. But with my father's passing away, it is one thing to convince my mum of my desire to work overseas and one thing to really concentrate in work. I flared up at peers, at my sales team, at my boss. My peers and boss and those reporting to me always mentioned that I am easy to work with due to my easy going nature and I have my way of getting things done without being pushy... but I get irritated very easily nowadays. So much so, my boss had a talk with me. He is a really good boss and he understands what is happening with my life. But how long can he tolerate this? I have said before that nothing can get me down in my life, except when my loved ones suffer. And this is what is happening to me now. I hope and I need to get over this phase in my life. I cannot afford to let this pull me down in life anymore. I love my father but I need to move on. I know he understands and I know he will help me move along in life because I guess when he was alive, whatever he has done and he has devoted his life to do is so that me and my sister is able to move on in life.

And of cos my frens have helped alot. I have told Ping that I hardly get out of the house nowadays. But I am glad for frens like:
1) Serene and Damien (I know you 2 are GAS's biggest fans haha but GAS is dead so please support my new band haha), Dennis, Jem, Nathan, Alicia, Josh, Joe etc and all the guys from Charis. We have been frens for almost 10 years now. Known you all since when we were all students and very innocent then and now we all grown up and have our own lives but I appreciate that you all bothered to sustain the frenship even though i left Charis. It tells me that you all appreciate my frenship very much. And though I am not the kind of mushy person, I really love you all for that.

2) The Eastsiders (Mil, Dex, Pam, Rachel, Aaron, Symon etc. I really appreciate that you guys have been frenly to me and really brightens up my days when i meet up with you guys. I appreciate Mil, Pam and Rach for being there in the hospital on the day my father passed away. I could not tell you all then but your presence helps alot. It helps to know there are people around yuo supporting you.

3) The nightlifers, although we do not see each other very often now but whenever I am out with you guys, at least I relaxed and not dwell on my dad so much. People like mashi, lesliana, Mel, Mavis, Yvonne, Ping, BCM, Joey, Amos, Lil Jon, and many many lah. Its great hanging out with you guys really. So dun forget me ah, remember to ask me out but as you all know, i really cant drink like last time already but i would still like your company. I may seemed bored sometimes when out in the clubs but no I am really just acting cool and focusing on checking out babes. I am not a dancing person lah~~~

4)My new bandmates, Adam, Jon and Audrey of Auditory Effect. I am older than you guys but you peeps are really cool and I appreciate your passion in making the band work and it has given me something to work on in my life. Succeeding in a band has always been my dream and I believe music is what I am born to do. My previous band, GAS, had some relative achievements but it is history now and I hope with AD, we will achieve greater stuff.

5) Last by not least, my 2 buddies, SISSY and BOTAK (previous blog entries would have revealed their names). But hey i guess its not easy being frens for almost 18 years since we were in Sec 1 haha. You can say that we have been thru life and death events in our lives. Although our way of expressing frenship is through insulting one another, that is something that no one else can take away from us and I appreciate Botak when he says that whenever we meet nowadays, he just try to distract me and I guess distraction is what I need to stop dwelling on my dad. And I looked forward to our annual gay party in Melbourne in September haha!

I can only looked forward to better things in my life. For now, I only want to concentrate on my mum, my music and my work. And I know my dad wants the best for me no matter where he is now. I am very afraid to forget him as time passed by because he is the greatest dad and I wished I told him that when he was alive. But he knows, I know he knows. I love him.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 8:39 PM

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Wednesday, July 02, 2008

Just received news today that one of good friend's mum passed away after her long fight with cancer. Her mum has been battling the illness for the couple of years but in recent months, things became really bad and after a long battle, she went to rest in peace today. I know how sad my friend must be. I just went through that 4 months ago. All I can wish for her is to buck up and take care of her father.

But who am I to advise her. I myself still missed my Dad very much. It is hard to buck up when a death hits you hard.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 11:38 PM

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