SCREAM!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I cannot help but still get reminded of my father. It is coming to almost 5 months but I thought I am ready to be strong. But whenever I hear of someone passing away, even when I do not know those people, I would weep. I just cannot get the scene of seeing my father struggling in the ICU out of my mind.

It has been difficult for me at work too. Things have not gone as smoothly as I wanted. This was supposed to be a big year for me and doing well could mean an overseas posting which I always wanted. But with my father's passing away, it is one thing to convince my mum of my desire to work overseas and one thing to really concentrate in work. I flared up at peers, at my sales team, at my boss. My peers and boss and those reporting to me always mentioned that I am easy to work with due to my easy going nature and I have my way of getting things done without being pushy... but I get irritated very easily nowadays. So much so, my boss had a talk with me. He is a really good boss and he understands what is happening with my life. But how long can he tolerate this? I have said before that nothing can get me down in my life, except when my loved ones suffer. And this is what is happening to me now. I hope and I need to get over this phase in my life. I cannot afford to let this pull me down in life anymore. I love my father but I need to move on. I know he understands and I know he will help me move along in life because I guess when he was alive, whatever he has done and he has devoted his life to do is so that me and my sister is able to move on in life.

And of cos my frens have helped alot. I have told Ping that I hardly get out of the house nowadays. But I am glad for frens like:
1) Serene and Damien (I know you 2 are GAS's biggest fans haha but GAS is dead so please support my new band haha), Dennis, Jem, Nathan, Alicia, Josh, Joe etc and all the guys from Charis. We have been frens for almost 10 years now. Known you all since when we were all students and very innocent then and now we all grown up and have our own lives but I appreciate that you all bothered to sustain the frenship even though i left Charis. It tells me that you all appreciate my frenship very much. And though I am not the kind of mushy person, I really love you all for that.

2) The Eastsiders (Mil, Dex, Pam, Rachel, Aaron, Symon etc. I really appreciate that you guys have been frenly to me and really brightens up my days when i meet up with you guys. I appreciate Mil, Pam and Rach for being there in the hospital on the day my father passed away. I could not tell you all then but your presence helps alot. It helps to know there are people around yuo supporting you.

3) The nightlifers, although we do not see each other very often now but whenever I am out with you guys, at least I relaxed and not dwell on my dad so much. People like mashi, lesliana, Mel, Mavis, Yvonne, Ping, BCM, Joey, Amos, Lil Jon, and many many lah. Its great hanging out with you guys really. So dun forget me ah, remember to ask me out but as you all know, i really cant drink like last time already but i would still like your company. I may seemed bored sometimes when out in the clubs but no I am really just acting cool and focusing on checking out babes. I am not a dancing person lah~~~

4)My new bandmates, Adam, Jon and Audrey of Auditory Effect. I am older than you guys but you peeps are really cool and I appreciate your passion in making the band work and it has given me something to work on in my life. Succeeding in a band has always been my dream and I believe music is what I am born to do. My previous band, GAS, had some relative achievements but it is history now and I hope with AD, we will achieve greater stuff.

5) Last by not least, my 2 buddies, SISSY and BOTAK (previous blog entries would have revealed their names). But hey i guess its not easy being frens for almost 18 years since we were in Sec 1 haha. You can say that we have been thru life and death events in our lives. Although our way of expressing frenship is through insulting one another, that is something that no one else can take away from us and I appreciate Botak when he says that whenever we meet nowadays, he just try to distract me and I guess distraction is what I need to stop dwelling on my dad. And I looked forward to our annual gay party in Melbourne in September haha!

I can only looked forward to better things in my life. For now, I only want to concentrate on my mum, my music and my work. And I know my dad wants the best for me no matter where he is now. I am very afraid to forget him as time passed by because he is the greatest dad and I wished I told him that when he was alive. But he knows, I know he knows. I love him.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 8:39 PM

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