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"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death."- Mark Twain

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

14th March 2008 - 6:18PM - The Day I Lost My Dad

It is the day that I will forever regret. A day I will never forget. I never would want to forget my Dad. How he lived. How he died. He is gone. Forever. I will never will ever to bring him to eat Dim Sum FOR THE FIRST TIME. FOREVER. I will never be able to bring him to CHINA FOR THE FIRST TIME. FOREVER.

I am angry. Why can't my Dad still be here with me. I am 30 years old now and I am supposed to be a matured man who can handle my emotions. But I cant. I want my Dad back but I know it would not happen.

How am I supposed to forgive the doctors? How am I supposed to forgive myself when I was the greatest supporter of my Dad going for the Operation. And that operation KILLED him. If God can forgive me, great. I dun think I can. It haunts me. I am angry cos maybe my Dad is blaming me. Maybe my mum is blaming me. Maybe my sister blames me. Maybe the whole world blames me.

But I am hurting, really hurting. Hurting that I wun ever be able to tell my Dad how much I missed him and I loved him. I missed his coughing at night. I missed his rumblings from his old motorbike as he comes home each night. How his he drags his old slippers along the corridor. Every night that he faithfully waters the multitude of plants outside our flat.

How he works all his life just to provide for us. WHY CANT THE BLOODY FOOL IN ME SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME. I am an idiot.

DAD, I love you. And I wish you are here to listen to me say that. But you are gone. Forever gone.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 1:04 AM

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*Scream @ Me*
Name* Ng Seow Siong AKA Ah Siong
BD* 5th Dec 1977
Gender* Male
Orientation*Straight, very straight
Loves* God, Dad, Mum and Sister, Rocking out with the band, chilling out with friends
Will Never Love* Idiots

Just me--

I am difficult to understand and I hate to be understood. I am best left alone. Just be my friend but do not ever try to show me that you understand me better than myself. I am a loyal person and everyone is my friend until he or she chooses not to be. Actually that is quite easy to understand right. If you hit the right note with me, you will find me very easy going.

I love music. And I love writing music and jamming with my band. Music has accompanied me through the worst times of my life. I thank God for that gift.

I am different and I am not afraid to be different. I hate politically correct people. Its alright to be courteous but not right to be a hypocrite.

I am funny. I love to be funny. I am not afraid to make fun of myself to bring laughter to others. I love making others happy. But I am not a clown.

*Try and scare me*

Say Something That Gives Me An Orgasm!

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