SCREAM!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

14th March 2008 - 6:18PM - The Day I Lost My Dad

It is the day that I will forever regret. A day I will never forget. I never would want to forget my Dad. How he lived. How he died. He is gone. Forever. I will never will ever to bring him to eat Dim Sum FOR THE FIRST TIME. FOREVER. I will never be able to bring him to CHINA FOR THE FIRST TIME. FOREVER.

I am angry. Why can't my Dad still be here with me. I am 30 years old now and I am supposed to be a matured man who can handle my emotions. But I cant. I want my Dad back but I know it would not happen.

How am I supposed to forgive the doctors? How am I supposed to forgive myself when I was the greatest supporter of my Dad going for the Operation. And that operation KILLED him. If God can forgive me, great. I dun think I can. It haunts me. I am angry cos maybe my Dad is blaming me. Maybe my mum is blaming me. Maybe my sister blames me. Maybe the whole world blames me.

But I am hurting, really hurting. Hurting that I wun ever be able to tell my Dad how much I missed him and I loved him. I missed his coughing at night. I missed his rumblings from his old motorbike as he comes home each night. How his he drags his old slippers along the corridor. Every night that he faithfully waters the multitude of plants outside our flat.

How he works all his life just to provide for us. WHY CANT THE BLOODY FOOL IN ME SEE HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME. I am an idiot.

DAD, I love you. And I wish you are here to listen to me say that. But you are gone. Forever gone.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 1:04 AM

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Sunday, March 02, 2008

And so, its been a long time. Chinese New Year has come and passed. I am typing this in Hong Kong Aiport waiting to board my SQ plane. SQ GIRLS!!! Hope I get to see nice ones today!!! HAHA!

I have been away from Singapore for the last 11 days. Spending 4 days in Bangkok with a Hua Hin one day trip and flying straight to Hong Kong for work and a couple of days of walking around and just enjoying the vibrant city of Hong Kong.

Hong Kong was not quite like what I thought it was. True, it was very much like Singapore, a very urbanised city. But it is really damn crowded and everything about this city seems just surreal. The nightlife is so vibrant. The streets are forever busy. The shopping centres and markets are endless and BIG! But the best of all came when I visited Lantau Island. I have not taken a worse bus ride in my entire life but it was all worth it. Well it was just nice to absorb the nature and the life in a serene fishing village like the TAI O village. Nothing like this in Singapore.

The queue is forming up now at the boarding gate but I just want to leave one thought as I visited Lantau Island. As I looked at the lives of the people in places like Lantau Island where they may not be in the primitve ages, they definitely are not advanced like Singapore. But yet they are happy, seems to be happy anyway. And as a Christian, I sometimes wonder how would Christ make their lives better. They seem contented as they are. Honestly, Christ makes sense to me because I am quite tired of the material world and how we judged people. But these people have nothing material to crave for. All they want is to live happily ever after in their village.
Dun get me wrong, I believe in Christ. I will always do but I guess in my human mind, I could never comprehend how on earth do well convince these people that Christ will make their lives more fruitful.

I guess, well, then thats they job of the Holy Ghost.

Gotta board the plane. Bye! See ya all in Singapore.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 3:18 PM

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