SCREAM!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

I am an introvert. Have I told you that?

Most people would gasp in disbelief if I would to use that word on myself. How could crappy, lamey Ng Seow Siong be an introvert.

BUT. Its true. In my previous company, I had a professional coach and mentor who meets up with me and we talk. In one of our sessions, we did an intensive personality test and one of the results came out as "INTROVERT". I myself could not believe it then and my coach asked me to just take the results and ponder over it.

And the more I ponder, I find that it is true. Although I am an extrovert, or I seem to be, I was not always like that. I became like that only later in my life. I remember I was a pretty quiet kid who was always mischievious but yes quiet. I do not have alot of friends, I do not play with my cousins, all maybe because I was pretty much rejected as a kid. I was a very fat kid, even till now. My cousins do not want to play with me well because I am fat and clumsy. I do not have many friends well because I am fat and clumsy. When I had my first crush on a girl in primary school, the rejection was not as nice and subtle like when you are an adult (i.e. Oh we better just be friends or Oh I do not wish to be in a relationship right now.). The rejection was an outright, you are so fat and ugly, who will like you?

But thank God I did not wallow in self pity but instead choose to love myself and so allow others to accept and love me too. I do not know when it all started but somewhere along my life, I became the Shaoxiong you see today. I call 'extrovert' my SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR while 'introvert' my INNER SELF.

Even now, I see the 'introvert' in me now and then. Just ask my friends who known me for a long time. I can stay at home by myself for weeks and weeks without going out with them or contacting them. Alot of times, I feel so much happier by myself. Selfish right haha! But well, no choice lah, thats me.

I like doing alot of things by myself. Reading, going to a pub to down a few beers, sitting at a cafe people watching, watching movies etc. Even on a group tour, I would tend to derail from the group and go somewhere else all by myself. I must admit, I have very selfish thoughts because the reason why I like to do things myself is that I do not have to entertain another person. I do not have to consider the other person's feelings or interests or whatever when I make a decision on where to go, what to eat and when to go. What seems like a normal group behaviour irates me alot sometimes. Therefore, my aloneliness sometimes.

Somebody asked me before, won't you feel lonely then? But to quote a line from Bon Jovi's Bed Of Roses "Tonight I won't be alone, but that don't mean I'm not lonely" Similarly, I may be alone, but that don't mean I am lonely.

But to all my friends out there, dun worry lah, i am afterall still a social creature, i still exhibit my EXTROVERT side most of the times but the next time if you see me quiet and maybe cant seem to get me out for anything, just know I am just being MYSELF.

God bless all!

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 12:42 AM

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