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"It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death."- Mark Twain

Monday, August 27, 2007

Angry and Frustrated.

With myself.

I have always proclaimed I love my father and mother and they are very important to me. But I realised it's all empty words. I keep thinking my Dad' s birthday is this tuesday when its actually Sunday, yesterday. How can I forget about these things when I keep saying I love them. Some may say its not a big deal but these small things reflect how much I really care.

My relationship with my dad has not always been a good one. We do not hate each other but neither am I sure whether do we love each other. We hardly talked. We hardly showed any concern for each other. When I was younger, I even think that he is not fit to be called father cos to me, what has he done? Was giving money all to being a father?

This changed when he fell sick and was diagnosed with Primary Sclerosis Cholangitis, an incurable disease affecting the bile ducts of the liver in 2005 March. I can still remember when it happens, that reality set in, and that my dad is growing old; he is 62 this year and he may just leave me before I realised it is too late. Our relationship improved, not tremendously, but definitely we showed more concern for one another. For one, I make sure I am always there when he goes for a check up and making sure he takes his medicine.

I thought I have done well so far, but forgetting his birthday again brings me back to reality of how much do I really love my father. When I look at my father, I see how much he aged from a strong person to a thin, frail and hunchbacked old man, I cry silently sometimes. But still, whats the point of saying all these when my actions do not reflect it. I am really ashamed and angry with myself.

When will I ever learn to treasure my loved ones?

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 7:18 PM

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*Scream @ Me*
Name* Ng Seow Siong AKA Ah Siong
BD* 5th Dec 1977
Gender* Male
Orientation*Straight, very straight
Loves* God, Dad, Mum and Sister, Rocking out with the band, chilling out with friends
Will Never Love* Idiots

Just me--

I am difficult to understand and I hate to be understood. I am best left alone. Just be my friend but do not ever try to show me that you understand me better than myself. I am a loyal person and everyone is my friend until he or she chooses not to be. Actually that is quite easy to understand right. If you hit the right note with me, you will find me very easy going.

I love music. And I love writing music and jamming with my band. Music has accompanied me through the worst times of my life. I thank God for that gift.

I am different and I am not afraid to be different. I hate politically correct people. Its alright to be courteous but not right to be a hypocrite.

I am funny. I love to be funny. I am not afraid to make fun of myself to bring laughter to others. I love making others happy. But I am not a clown.

*Try and scare me*

Say Something That Gives Me An Orgasm!

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