SCREAM!

Thursday, August 06, 2009

Going to Bandung tomorrow. Hope to just have a short getaway and also booked the tickets for New Zealand in Sep. After that, dun know where to go liao HAHA!

Here's to enjoying your life and spending away your money....after you pay off your obligations of course! Be responsible! HAHA

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 8:39 PM

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Sunday, June 28, 2009

What would it be like at your final breathe you breath in this life?

I think about this all the time. Have I been happy? Have I done most of the things I wanted to? Do I have any regrets?

Some people view thinking about death is negative. But hey, there are only two things that are certain in life, birth and death. So if you do not think about it now, when?

Death does not scare me but death to me brings an end not so importantly to this life, but an end to the things that matter to me, things that I would be reluctant to let go of.

And because of this reluctance, death seems to have an effect of spurring me on. I am 32 this year, honestly, how long more do I have? If I am fortunate and God willing, I would have maybe 32 more go. But I can go anytime, if life has taught us any lessons. And it is precisely this thought that sometimes frustrate me so much.

I am dying, that is true. Everybody is. Every day we live, we are one day closer to death. And there are so many things that need to be done. One thing that is very close to my heart is the sufferings of others. And I marvel at how some people claim to be suffering in Singapore because they live in a small flat etc when there are someone out there in the world who dies of cold because they have to sleep under the bridge in winter. And I hate myself too, because sometimes I am one of those hateful people who complains over the slightest thing and having the slightest gratitude for what I have.

And that is where my frustrations enter. Is that as much as I have the heart, I have done nothing in action. I am still wallowing in my pathetic socio-capitalist self where I work hard to earn my living, to sustain my spending so that I can be enjoying. What the fuck kind of person am I? I may be a bigger hypocrite than anyone out there because those people whom I hate at least are honest about their hypocrisy.

I do not have much time left. And so are you. And that is why I think about the question all the time.

What would it be like at your final breathe you breath in this life?

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 4:07 PM

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Saturday, May 09, 2009

Celebrating Mother's Day today. Not so much of a celebration. Just a dinner at Peach Garden and just good to spend some time with her and my sister and her husband. Ever since my Father passed away last year, it has been a delicate act between my various committments and taking time to pay attention to my Mum. I wished my Dad was still here but no point wishing for that. I just hope my Mum has a happy life always. Happy Mother's Day.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 4:11 PM

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

HAVE YOU HEARD ME SAY THAT......

1. Taipei was boring? Hualien was excellent but TAIPEI WAS BORING!
2. I love smelling my own fart?
3. I am planning to go to New Zealand in September?
4. EVer since I put up "Honk if you are horny" sign on my car, I realised how many horny bastards and bitches out there driving? Me included.
5. I almost lose every time I do play mahjong?
6. I LOVE LIVERPOOL!
7. I HATE MAN U!
8. I WATCHED LIVERPOOL THRASHED MAN U 4-1!
9. I love music.
10. I am an introvert

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 8:24 PM

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Taking a break...

Taipei, I come liao HOR~~~

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 9:06 AM

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Saturday, February 07, 2009

SO SICK!

So sick of being just A POTENTIAL and never really realising it.

IT SICKENS ME TO THE CORE.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 5:59 AM

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Monday, February 02, 2009

SCREW THE NORMS.....

Its hard to say how I feel towards the new year. Its February now and Chinese New Year is almost over (its over for those who do not bother about the 15 days). I just had my 31st birthday in December and now in 2009, I will be looking to be 32 in December.

Me! 32 years old. You know the problem I have with ageing and with most people in general is that they have preconceived norms about people of certain ages. If you are this age, you should behave your age. Thus when I reached 32, I have high and mighty friends (or should I say, ex-friends) who would say things that does not add value to my life nor does it ease the economic crisis, in other words BULLSHIT. They would say "Hey you are already going to be 32. Why do you still behave like you are a teenager?" "You got to talk lesser crap and learn to be more prudent in what you say."

You know there are so many norms or expected behaviour in this world that I cannot possibly finish listing them.

You are expected to be honest but yet learn to be tactful.
You are supposed to behave what they think as matured when you are of a certain age.
You are supposed to settle down when you reach a certain age.
Your bosses would praise you for being frank but promotes those politically correct bastards who suck up to them.
You are supposed to make alot of money because you have a degree.
You are supposed to be ambitious and climb as high as in the corporate ladder.

I am angry. I am an angsty bastard if you can call me that. I am sometimes so sick of facing people day in and day out who succumb to all these norms in life and pretend to be noble. I sometimes wish I could pressed their fucking faces onto the tarred road and disfigured their fucking faces and made them realise they still look better than how they looked before.

Some people challenged me and asked me, "So you think you are better than them?" No I do not. I just think, compared to most people, I am more accountable to this fucking thing called CONSCIENCE.

SCREW THE NORMS. All of us will go back to where we come from.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 1:57 PM

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Coming to the end of 2008.....

I find it hard to say that I had a great year. I mean many good things have happened but the fact that this was the year my Father passed away makes everything seem insignificant. But yet because of my Father's death, I have gained a new sense of responsibility as the man of the household, I have learned to cherish my Mum and Sis more, I gained an important lesson of how it is like to take setbacks in life and move on, I realised how fragile life is. Funny how that I need to lose my Father before I realise all these. I wish I had realised all these before but the fact I did not.

More than 9 months since he passed away. I am still haunted by the flashes of him covered in bloody mess in the ICU, when he was struggling to wake up, possibly wanting to see us one last time, when I had to identify his body in the morgue. You know, life has indeed move on, I went for holidays, I am back to my crappy self, I am now laughing like I used to but yet something seems to have been broken inside.

I used to work very hard because I thought finally I had a chance to make more money to bring my Father to trips. I took care of my own health, went to exercise (which I do not in the past) once I discovered I had diabetes because I do not want them to worry. But once my Father passed away, gradually I start to adopt a view like before that work is dispensible. I must admit I do not work at hard anymore. And I stopped going to gym. I think I just have not move on at all, have I?

I cannot be selfish, I need to. My Mother needs me. When I look at my Mum now, as she goes out to work everyday, comes back, sits there to watch TV, do the laundry, cook dinner for me and goes to sleep, I know she misses my Dad and I can only imagine the pain she feels inside. How could she come to terms to losing someone she had been married to for 31 years within a day when i myself could not. I know she is hurting and the only thing I can do is to be there, make sure she does not have to worry about finances and me.

2008 is a bad year but I cannot linger here. Time will move on no matter what. Time does not grieve. It is now up to me to catch up with time, My Father will always have a special place in my life but now I will have to try to live for the future.

Thanks Pa.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 10:41 AM

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Friday, December 26, 2008

So, this is the end of Christmas 2008. But the spirit of the season lives on. I had my fun, abit of drinks and made new friends. And of course more importantly, how could I forget the most important friend in my life, God Himself. Does not mean I do not talk about Him means He is not important. Let us not forget especially for those who believe in Christ, what He had to give up to give us the life that we are enjoying today.

Coming back to the music, Auditory Effect is progressing well. Despite just being together for a bit more than a year, I think we are really growing as a band. Kudos to Adam, Jon and Audrey. I learnt alot from them as band members and we are really starting to gel. Yes, we have our unhappiness, we voiced our displeasures over things but more importantly, we will continue to realise the importance of open and sincere communication.

This coming Sunday, we are going for some sort of audition for one of the mainstream media. Whether we get to feature or not on that medium, it is good enough for me to know that the music of this one year old band get noticed and we will continue to try for bigger goals like BAYBEATS 2009!

Dance while we rock, PEOPLE.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 12:04 AM

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

You know there is a surreal feeling of growing up when alot of people around are getting married. Even people who are younger and are getting married than you ask you when you are gonna take the plunge. I think its kinda exciting to be entering into the next phase of life with another person for like the next half of your life or whatever you have left.

But that would mean giving up a big chunk of your current phase of life. I mean everyone will say, NO NO NO Who says after marriage, you cannot live your own life. Yes you cannot. Says who? Says me and the millions and billions who have gotten married since the world began. You simply just cannot get married and tell your spouse, Hey i gonna live the way I gonna live before I married you. I gonna go out with you when I feel like it, I gonna throw my clothes around in the house as I like it, I gonna spend my money as I like it, I gonna spend my time doing things that I LIKE not WE LIKE, surely you cannot do things like you were before you got married. After all, its now 2 persons living together and there must be compromises in habits, styles and weird FETISHES HAHA.

For one, I am not yet willing to give up the current phase of my life. I am not even near to what I wanna achieve before I finally get married and settle down. So how to get married. I know its nice to have someone to be with you all your life and maybe the government incentives are working, but hey is life all about being with someone? How about being someone you really want to be? Some things just cannot be done after you get married. I cannot be SELFISH if I were to get married. BUT I AM SELFISH, AND I WANT TO BE SELFISH NOW.

Hurhur so for those who decides to get a husband or wife, good luck. Hope you all make the right choice at the right time in your life cos if it turns out well, marriage will afterall be one of the best things that will happen in your life. But for me, NOT YET.

Funny But Not A Clown screamed @ 2:24 AM

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